Nov 3, 2010

Being grounded sucks

Story by: Mason Borndahl
"Woof woof...SQUIR-R-R-R-R-R-E-L...woof woof woof".

"Mason, please STOP barking!"

Why does my mom always say that? Doesn't she see that squirrel out there? That is not safe; I really need to protect our home....wait - look, there is that stupid cat, Percy, from next door crossing our backyard. "Woof woof woof...STUPID CAT...woof woof woof".

"Mason, honestly, STOP barking!"

Ugh, I've been stuck inside behind this invisible wall for hours. Maybe if I follow mom around the house for a while she'll put me outside. Maybe if I sit under her stool in the kitchen, or follow her up and down the stairs, or fart next to her...that stuff really bugs her.  

"Wah, Wah, Wah, bluuu, bluuu, bluuu."

Looks like mini-mom is making noises again. How come she doesn't get in trouble when she barks?

"Mason, stop following me up and down the stairs. You're waking Maddy and she's only part way through her afternoon nap. Come be a good boy for a while and I'll give you a treat".

TREAT? Really, a TREAT? Yum, I LOVE treats!!! I better show mom I want a treat. Maybe if I wag my tail that will show her I'm good and deserve a treat. Oh, I'll try sitting too, she really likes that. Maybe she'll also scratch my head. That would be so nice. I love mom.

"Oh, you're being such a good boy. Come here and get your treat." 

Yum, a milk bone, my favorite. Now let me find my favorite spot to eat this yummy thing. Here we go, my favorite tile in the kitchen. 1, 2, 3 turns, now I can sit down and enjoy. I'll put it right between my paws and take little bites to make it last longer. Now, I'll lick up all of the crumbs - wait - what's that noise? Better run to the invisible wall. "Woof woof woof...STUPID neighbour dog, you're not as cool as you think...woof woof woof". 

"Fine, I'm putting you outside, but PLEASE no barking."

Ahh...what a beautiful day in the sun. I think I'll sit here on the deck - wait - SQUIRREL! "Woof woof woof". Good, chased him up the tree. Hmm, I should go check if there are any cats next door. Nope, we're in the clear. Now, I better go check if there are any dogs walking out front. I see one! "Woof woof woof...stupid yellow dog, I hate you...woof woof woof...stay away from us...woof woof woof!"

"[Whistle Noise] Mason, No barking!"

Jeeze, I'm only protecting us from that stupid old yellow dog who doesn't have a leash. I guess I'll just sit here in my favorite dirt pile. Ahh...nice and cold and dirty. Wait - it's that squirrel again! Where is he running to...under the fence? Hey, I think I can fit under there too. I'm gonna get you squirrel, I just need to squeeze my head through, now my body... Ya that's right, you better run up that tree stupid squirrel! Oh no, now I'm on the other side of the fence. How am I gonna get back in?

Wait - who is that running down there in the ravine? It looks like mom, I better go see....Wow, this feels amazing, I love running through the woods. "Woof woof, wait for me...woof woof woof". Hey, you're not my mom. "Woof woof you know where my mom is...woof woof woof...where are you going...woof woof woof?" 

Wow, we have been running for a really long time. This is so fun. I like this new lady even though she's ignoring me. Hey, where is she taking me now? I'm not supposed to run on the road, or cross the street without sitting first. I guess this is what freedom is like...F-U-N!

Wait - why are we stopping? Who's that guy talking to the running lady?

"Excuse me lady, what type of dog do you have there?" said the guy.

"Oh, he's just some strange dirty dog that's been following me for the last kilometer or so." said the lady.

"Well, that's no good. Let me see if he has a Toronto pet tag. Yep. How about I take him from here and get a hold of his owner." said the guy.

"Sounds good to me." said the lady.

Hey, this guy is cool. I'm getting my head scratched. Nice. Oh look - he has a dog that looks like me! Fun! Maybe we can play. "Woof woof woof...hi nice looking dog...woof woof woof." Wow, so much fun to play with this dog that looks like me.


"Hello, is this Mason's mommy? This is Toronto Animal Services. Do you know where your pet is? Actually, he's over at a neighbours about a kilometer from your house."


Ugh, what a bummer. It's been 5 days of staring out the invisible wall and I just want to go chase squirrels. I love spending all day with mom and mini-mom, but being grounded really sucks. 


  1. OMG that is hilarious!!! Hilary you should write stories for a living, forget about that marketing analytical crap. Thank made me laugh just when I needed it today. You clearly know your dog well and any other dog owner/lover can relate!!

  2. Adorable! We wish Mason lived here so he and Cam could bark at squirrels together everyday!


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